One of the questions that surprised me most as mommas started reading Grumpy Mom Takes a Holiday and really seeing an impact.
Ok Val! I’m all in. Now how do I shift the conversation with my friends without looking judgy?
Ummmm. GOOOOD QUESTION!
This is so crucial. Because these mommas were starting to make positive changes in their motherhood and with that comes a certain fear that it will look odd to those around us. The same way like if we take on a new healthy lifestyle. How do we suddenly stop saying yes to every fried chicken meal and suggest a place with something green when it’s not what they are used to?
Here’s what I shared with these gals:
1. Start with your inner people. Acknowledge how the comments the world makes, make you feel. Don’t point out how they have said it but more that this is the narrative the world is sharing and NOT five seconds after they say something similar. It needs to be a separate conversation completely. I think coming from a place where this is a new realization for us is key and doesn’t come off condescending but instead, us sharing what we’re in the thick of learning.
2. Quote the book. My husband had to remind me of this one. I thought he was trying to tell me to share with you gals something in the book about how to handle this but his advice was to actually quote the book or more importantly, TRANSFORM TOGETHER. If you know that the moms you are closest to could benefit from this conversation. If you know that as your heart shifts, you know the roadblock may not be in your own mind but in the conversations with those friends, TAKE THEM WITH YOU. Learn together. How cool to be reading the same content and be able to speak the same language about triggers and stereotypes and what truth to replace it with? How cool if when we can’t fight grumpy mom alone, we have a friend to help lift us up? Everything I share in the book will be that much more valuable when shared in community because accountability is so powerful. If you do decide to go through the book as a group, we’ve got discussion question and a leader guide for an ongoing accountability group available. Check it all out here!
3. Take the lead. Kick off the conversation in a positive way before anyone has a chance to go negative. It doesn’t mean it won’t happen but they will be more likely to follow the tone.
4. Relate, but don’t commiserate. If it goes negative (WHEN it goes negative?) you can find a way to relate, but then build each other up. I think for this to be truly genuine and not seen as judge-y, we can’t say it all the time. We have to discern when to speak and how. Sometimes silence or a simple response that isn't an enthusiastic agreement but just simple nod keeps it from going further into negativity without being combative.
5. Pray for wisdom. Pray for friends to have open hearts who know your heart. Pray that God will give you a pure heart. Words most definitely WILL sound judge-y if that’s what’s actually in our heart.
6. Don’t engage. There might be people who are just not willing to even see the abundance God has for us. They’d never say that but may live out a victim mentality to motherhood that’s just not Biblical. They might assume that their specific circumstances can't be helped by the truth shared in the book. That's totally possible. But I'll tell you, if someone can't believe change is possible or they are too far gone, it's gonna be a hard relationship as you start finding joy. We don’t need to cut those people out of our life, but we may need to make an effort to not spend as much time together.
Going through this journey with friends is huge. God’s been teaching me so much lately, even as a goal-getting girl, that transformation happens when we rub up against other believers in really authentic ways (Proverbs 27:17).
Click the video below to hear a little sneak peek of the book from the chapter on Friendship.
Want to give this book as a gift but that word Grumpy Mom throwing you off?
Here are some ideas for how to share. Literally copy and paste if you want:
QUICK AND EASY TO ANY MOM FRIEND
Isn’t this title hilarious? I heard it’s not just for grumpy moms but for any mom wanting to fully experience the abundant life God has for us.
A MOM GOING THROUGH A TOUGH SEASON
Girl! You have been through the ringer lately and honestly handled it better than I would have. This book is supposed to be super practical and encouraging so don’t let that silly title scare you. I think you are doing amazing!
YOUR BESTIE WHO NEEDS LITTLE EXPLANATION
Girl, you know we all got a little grumpy in us. 😉 Hope you love this much as I do. It’s been so encouraging to know that even on really hard days and if my circumstances can’t change, we can live for more. I couldn’t NOT share that with my bestie!!
A FRIEND WHO JUST ANNOUNCED THEIR PREGNANCY
CONGRATS! I am so excited for y’all! Instead of a gift for baby, I thought I’d send you something encouraging just in case you’re hearing HORROR stories from every momma trying to prepare your “sweet naive heart”. Bless em. But I got something that may help more! 😉 Motherhood obviously has it’s challenges but this book approaches it so differently than what you may hear from lots of moms about embracing the abundance in motherhood God has for us instead of just the stereotypes the world tells us! I hope you are encouraged! I cannot wait to see you as a mom!!
GIVE FRESH START FOR MOMS INSTEAD
The title is a little easier to pass to any mom. ; ) Click here to grab a copy (or more!) for Mother's Day or gifts to have on hand for the mom who comes to you on a hard day!