I never imagined getting to say this but…I am healed!
Allow me to explain, because it’s not exactly what you may expect.
Side note: We’ve been talking on the podcast about how to pray for healing and dealing with health anxiety (coming next week!) so God’s timing for my own healing is pretty amazing!
If you’re new here, I’ve been battling with a lot of health issues for the last 21 months. It started with a pain under my ribs and morphed into other things, like spasms that covered my legs, then migrated to my torso. It’s been extreme fatigue, weird sensations in my feet and hand and a lot of other weird random symptoms.
After lots of appointments, scans, ultrasounds, blood tests, and an insane amount of supplements, they discovered a few issues. A low-functioning gallbladder (8% for you medical nerds), mold in my body (and home!!) and a new hashimoto’s diagnosis. It was pretty crazy. I found out all three issues within the span of about 2 weeks in January and have since been working to help all three with not much progress.
As a result, I’ve spent a lot of time on our couch in the evenings. Tyler has cooked the majority of our meals. The girls have gotten a very tired momma. And I’ve spent so much energy searching and longing for the thing that will help me heal. Needless to say, an exhausting and consuming journey.
I find it pretty crazy that I decided to leave Instagram within a few weeks of starting to feel sick. I needed the space to deal with lots of personal things and with very limited work time over the last 2 years, it was amazing timing by God.
Around launch time in August, I was having a really low season. It’s become pretty routine that every big launch we have, I have a lot of anxiety and sleepless nights and more hypochondria than normal but after the last 2 years, I was just so weary.
I asked my husband, who’s an elder at our church, if I could come to their next meeting and have them pray over me (like James 5:14 says) and so I did.
I didn’t leave healed obviously but I think it was a key turning point in what God did next. Within a few weeks, several other things happened that I think unlocked healing for me, which again, isn’t what you may expect.
I heard about an app called Curable and started learning a bit about chronic pain.
I met with my counselor and did some work having to do with my spasms.
These set the stage for a fresh way of looking at my discomfort.
Then I read Jess Connolly’s book, Breaking Free from Body Shame. Well, I listened to it! And at one point, she said something that made me think, “I think I’m healed.” It was the oddest thing. This was not a natural thought or something I’d think on my own. I’ve even tried to go back to see what I bookmarked to see what she said that convinced me of this and cannot find it so I’m trusting it was the Holy Spirit speaking to me through Jess’ book.
It was such a strange but exciting feeling! No symptoms had changed.
Then the next day, two friends and I were texting. One friend was going through a challenging time and the other friend sent the verse from Ezekiel about dry bones coming alive. I went to read the passage and as I read it, I felt it again. “I think I’m healed!”
Even now as I say this, I think you may think I’m crazy. But as I started to ask God for healing like I had every day, I couldn’t do it. Something made me feel like it was silly to ask for healing because I was healed.
That was a lot of confirmation from the Lord, which I’m grateful He kept speaking to me, because it feels funny to accept healing.
But if my symptoms are the same, how can I say I’m healed?
This past season has felt so oppressive and heavy. I’ve been on a constant search for solutions. I’ve constantly let what I was feeling stop me from living.
And in what felt like an instant, that feeling was gone.
I no longer felt trapped in a prison of my symptoms. They might still be there but they weren’t the mountain they had been. They were a molehill.
I no longer felt the hypochondria stirring up more anxiety. I feel “normal” whatever that means. But I genuinely now understand what my husband, sister and mom feel like when they find a new random symptom and it’s super freeing!
I no longer felt the need to let any diagnosis stop me from living. I’ve been better able to serve my family and I can’t even tell you what a blessing that is after feeling so needy for so long.
I no longer felt the need to keep searching for solutions but instead, simply do what I was doing.
And as those things have changed, I’m honestly not feeling the symptoms as intensely either.
I have no idea how this sounds to you but this has been insane to experience. Like a 630 day rain cloud has finally lifted!!
All this happened and then we headed to the beach with my family and it was such a refreshing time. While I was there I also felt the Lord give me a fresh excitement for Val Marie Paper. We came home to fall, and isn’t that its own sort of fresh excitement?? I sat in worship yesterday and could physically feel that cloud is gone and I’m just praising the Lord immensely for it!!
I don’t know what’s to come next, but my new prayer is that I will walk in the healing God has given me and shield my mind from returning to those thoughts that kept me feeling trapped by my symptoms.
I want to thank you all for the prayers. Y’all were so kind to pray for me. I grew weary asking for prayer for the same thing over and over but y’all were so sweet to keep praying with me!
I want to also thank y’all for your patience as I’ve been MIA a bit. I’ve done what I needed to keep VMP moving but haven’t been able to give what I’d like to to y’all. I won’t be back on insta at @ValWoerner but you will see my face a bit more at @ValMariePaper.
If you’re longing for healing, I’m praying for you! In a practical sense, see if a counselor can help, ask your elders to pray over you and if it’s chronic pain, learn about how our bodies have been designed. I don’t think any of these things take away from the miracle that is healing but are instead unique ways God brings us along a journey of healing.
Ultimately, I pray God is glorified in this healing. That He alone is lifted up! Amen?