This past weekend I started thinking about my journey of singleness. Most of you only know me as a wife or even a fiancée, but my story was quite different for the first 24 1/2 years of my life and I wanted to share.
I know everyone is waiting on something. If it’s not singleness, it’s college, a family, a house, having your kids out of the house, retirement, etc so even if you married your sweetheart right out of high school, you may be able to relate!
The facts: I went 24 1/2 years without a single boyfriend. Unless you count the boy I dated for 4 days and literally had to break up with him because I had knots in my stomach our ENTIRE long courtship. ; ) But all the other 8700+ days, I spent single.
I don’t regret the wait for one day. God gave me a person beyond my wildest dreams. I can’t imagine what life would be like had a settled for less than his best.
I don’t say that to pat myself on the back. Truly, it all started with a prayer I read in Elisabeth Elliot’s book Passion and Purity. Her words stuck in my head and became my prayer early on in high school. She said she prayed the Lord would put her heart (and romantic desires) asleep until it was time for her to meet her mate, much like God put Adam to sleep to create Eve. (Genesis 2:20-22)
How excited I was to make that prayer my own! It seemed so safe to protect my heart from heartache! And I believe it did, BUT the following 8 years weren’t easy. I definitely had my fair share of crushes, no feelings returned though, thank you. And a few vice versa. That was for sure, all the Lord’s doing.
Off I went to college, thinking SURELY I’ll find Mr. Right amidst these 5,000 new boys. Four years later it became, SURELY I’ll meet him when I return home from college and begin my career. I actually did meet Tyler the month I came home, but it took two years for my heart to “wake up” to him and God’s perfect timing.
I remember asking God so many times, why does so and so have so many boyfriends/opportunities? All I want is ONE! I thought it was a very unselfish thing to just ask for one. It was hard to watch as Valentine’s or Christmas rolled around knowing that present on the table or flowers that were delivered were not for me. And of course, the inevitable thought comes in my head “What is wrong with me?!?”
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Had I known I’d find Tyler at all, I probably could have been a bit more patient. I think most things in life are like that. It’s the unknown that’s scary. Why would God suddenly drop the perfect man for me in my lap without giving me any practice runs? Or SOMETHING to prep me!?
I’ve always been a big journaler and LOVE going back to read about different trials I faced and see what is different now or how the Lord answered those prayers. I can’t tell you how many times I cried out to God wondering where the heck he was in terms of my relationship status. Did He forget? Surely He couldn’t with all my helpful reminders.
The craziest thing is, that when I finally did find Tyler, I remember thinking,
“That was fast!”
What?!? Had I forgotten the last long 8 years? I kind of did, actually. Having Tyler, whom I’m sort of obsessed with, was answer enough. He was worth it. And those years didn’t matter anymore. Hindsight, it is always so easy to see God’s hand at work. Had I known what God had planned, I’m sure I would have handled things a bit better. But now I have this little story to remind me now, when I can’t see how God could POSSIBLY use this situation or that. I think back on how confused and frustrated I was. And I picture God glancing down from heaven just kind of smirking thinking, “I’ve got something so amazing planned for you, you have know idea!”
I know He has something amazing for you too! : )
Photo by Chris Deville