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The Wife Gene

5.8.2013 • 2 Comments

The Wife Gene

So about 12 hours after Tyler and I got married, that “wife gene” started to kick in. You may know the one. All of a sudden, I had the urge to treat Tyler like all those TV wives treat their husbands. It almost became instinctual. I could luckily detect this weird sensation coming over me and worked hard and still do daily to not be a nag or let it rule over me.

The quickest way to sabotage your marriage is to think you need to “fix” your husband. He’s not a project, no matter how much that female-wired brain tries to convince you of it. When you go into fix-it mode, you are intentionally looking for problems. Which, YOU WILL FIND IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THEM. The same is true if you are looking for the good in them. You will certainly find that too!

I definitely still fail at this. And normally what it looks like is a week of me getting annoyed by the smallest things Tyler does, like pointing the sharp knives facing up in the dishwasher or leaving out food overnight to spoil. Ironically, both of these come from positives. Hello! He helps load the dishwasher and cook dinner ALOT!

I remember getting so frustrated in the past at the way women were stereotyped to need to be controlling or to treat their husband like their third child. Why did we have this tendency?

My mom shared a verse with me that kind of helped it all makes sense.

Genesis 3:16  “Then he said to the woman, ‘I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.’ ” (New Living Translation)

This passage might stir up topics you don’t want to hear about: a God who punishes us or being subordinate to men. But I think there is a lot we can learn from this passage.

This is precisely why we desire to control our husbands, or want to fix them. I wasn’t crazy when I felt those new tugs! The thing is, God doesn’t share this so we have a good excuse to give in to those feelings but to tell us, He said it will be a DESIRE. You will be tempted by it, but you can find a way out.

Whether you believe that your husband is the head of the house or not, is not my point. I think regardless of what you believe, we can agree that any time we try to fix our spouse, it doesn’t make for a happier marriage. It makes things harder.

Sometimes, we simply need to not speak everything that pops in our head and just need to have fun with our spouse.

If you really desire change for your marriage and aren’t sure how to make it happen without fixing your spouse, check back to tomorrow! I’ll have the best marriage advice I can offer you along with a free printable! : )

{ Couple }


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Comments (4)

Hayley, you have been warned! ; ) I think being prepared will definitely help to know it’s a normal desire but doesn’t have to be the norm! Praying for a lifetime of love and happiness for you and Braxton as y’all get hitched!!

“He’s not a project, no matter how much that female-wired brain tries to convince you of it.”

LOVE that, Val! Great advice for someone getting married this year 🙂